Last night had vivid, vivid dreams.  I dream of a beautiful little puppy, a fluffy, frisky little thing, light as air, with golden buff feathery fur and dark sherry-colored eyes and a black button nose.  There were tow-colored streaks in his fur, and I chased him all over a room as he ran in playfulness, hid behind an old bureau in a house filled with antiques that I didn’t recognize but felt completely at home.  And then he and I got into my trusty green car and we sped down a road that ran alongside a river, and got into a shoot-out with villains, or rather, they were shooting at us.  I grabbed the pup, dove out of my car to the ground and placed myself over the little thing as men shot at us, but we were soon saved by the good guys.  I could feel that little dog as if he were real, wonderful little fella, absolutely wonderful.

I slept very soundly and very long the night before and when I awakened was filled to the brim with a revelation that was oddly comforting.  I can be a nostalgic person, and looking at old reruns of beloved shows call me back to a happy time, with family, and childhood innocence, and memories.  Sometimes of late it’s bothered me that I can get so nostalgic, but yesterday I realized something when I awakened.  I thought about happy times, and then progressed through the years of my life to times that were not so easy, learning times, sorrowful times, times of disappointment, all of which I know went into the grand soup pot of my growth.  And as I thought of this, and remember special instances that weren’t so pleasant, I said, if one could back in years because of nostalgia, I would have to go through that again, and that again, and that again…Things I wouldn’t want to relive, but knew I had to, but now I don’t.  All those things in my life that have brought me to here, the there, the now, and it’s a stable shelf and footing I’m on now, lessons learned, equanimity obtained.  So now I am at the here and the there and I asked, instead of looking back, what’s next?  Where do I go from this hard-earned table rock of understanding.  Ready to move forward with gratitude for the future and the past.  It was a unique feeling, a good one.  A feeling of relief.

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