Throughout the weekend, zero energy.  Yet Saturday night, thinking I would fall sound asleep, twisted and turned, miserable.  Then a curious thing.  Switched the telly on at 9 PM to catch Svengoolie who was showing, “The Uninvited,” a movie I love, a book I love, and discovered the old black and white movie, the beautifully spoken tones of the actors, the setting, acted like a lullaby and I was relaxing completely and fell into a peaceful doze, all of the above that reminded me of the sleep of childhood.  I taped the movie; awakened, then fell asleep again on Sunday morning tired.  Had to cook something; made a pot of chicken and sausage gumbo and oven daube in tomato gravy and by noon, got into the recliner under Earl’s quilt and watched, “The Uninvited.”  Whenever I used to re-read that book as a teen, crazy thing, it always made me heat a huge mug of milk with vanilla poured in, find a corner in a stairway, sit and read.  Well, when it was finished Sunday, I fell into a deep sleep in the recliner and awakened four hours later.  Slept the night through, awakened somewhat tired, went to work, and by lunchtime had to come back home…and slept another two and half hours in the recliner.

As  it often happens when I feel bad with this type of fatigue, mostly everything on television gets on my nerves and I can’t read.  So I binge watch something and in this case it was two days of,”Bonanza.”  I went through a lot of the episodes I had taped and they were good stories.  I find the woman in me loves seeing four fine men who were good-hearted, hospitable, tender, wise, courageous, funny; I suppose I relish the family dynamic a lot of which reminded me of my own family, once long ago.  Had to laugh at the young Indian kidnap victim who fell in love with Ben, telling him to his intense discomfort, “I can give you sons!”  “I have sons!” came his frantic reply.  She:  “I can give you sons bigger than Hoss, smartet than Adam and handsomer than Little Joe!”  Identifying with Adam with a gushing phony with delusions of grandeur is bragging about her lush life, and he averts his head downward at the dinner table and almost rolls his eyes and sneers in disgust, ooh, been there, done that…You know all of their love affairs will be doomed, and so many missed marriages, and of these, Joe holds the record.  Relish the scenes with Hop Sing, e.g., Ben and Joe come in from a storm wearing waterproofs ponchos, and Hop Sing tells them, “Don’t make mess on the floor and rug!”  Ben replies, “My floors, my rug!”  Hop Sing: “Fine.  You make mess, YOU clean it up!”  My brother once called me Hop Sing because I always offered anyone coffee whenever they came over, but that’s all part of Ben’s orders or else, every guest gets coffee without saying.  And, I even love the way their==I love their house– is furnished, great easy chairs, great colors, great hearth.  But I can’t understand why they didn’t build the place overlooking Lake Tahoe!  Oh, I guess it’s been good to sojourn these few miserable days on the Ponderosa in the company of fine strapping men.  Joe’s pinto named, “Cochise.”  Lee Marvin guesting on an early episode I remember from little called, “The Crucible”, wherein he tortures Adam.  And I do remember Adam, after his family finds him half-dead, breaking down and crying in his father’s arms, crying, “Oh, Pa.”  Stoic Adam.  People who always seemed to do the right thing without being holier than thou or martyrs but because it was part of them to naturally do the right thing.  And appearances never mattered.

Well, I don’t know how long this crud will last.  Hopefully tonight somewhere in sleep I’ll touch that nerve center of healing energy and get rebooted.

As it

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