Isn’t it funny this weekend, with all this back stuff going on that has clearly taken the wind out of my sails, all I really want to do is sit in my cane rocker with a cushion in the small of my back and paint.  I’m going to take Dr. Rodriguez’s advice and not lift anything, which means not carrying groceries up the stairs and not cleaning baseboards and floors on my hands and knees.  Will have to get creative about taking the garbage out–it’s Friday and full, but from now on smaller, regular, daily bags will be thrown out.  Last night had a dream where my brother and I were kids again and he kept squeezing my shoulder because he was mad at me, causing me the most exquisite pain, so much that in my dream I screamed from it, and actually woke up, screaming from pain from the dream.  In addition to the grilled cheese sandwich marathon since all this happened, found myself doing something you will no doubt think is crazy but I will admit it…Teddy, my bear, always sits on the rocker in the living room…gave into the craziest impulse this week, wrapped him up like a baby in one of my sweatshirt hoodies, and placed him in bed beside me where he can be safe and warm…crazy I know…what pain will do to you.  It’s Lent, didn’t eat meat today, made egg salad before I left for work this morning.  The anti-inflammatory is helping  and so is the back brace even if it makes me look like Moby Dick in the waist.  Don’t care at this point.  Isn’t it crazy that I want hot chocolate with marshmallow cream melting on top, chocolate ice cream, nice, slenderizing healthy stuff…I’m in for a siege with this and the idea of a good night’s sleep or curling up with a book, or binge watching TV is marred by the  knowledge that I will have to rise and face that freezing pain.  Well, this too, shall pass.  But Good Lord at this point I’m not at all ashamed to admit:  I want my mother.

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